Am I there yet? Am I there yet?

So there are two kinds of personality types when they take a long road trip. Let's say - A & B types.

A Types - They are the people that immediately start calculating to the minute how long they have to be in the car until they arrive at their destination. They are a stressed ball of nerves about not making any unnecessary stops for pee breaks, snacks, gas, you name it. They are constantly trying to determine how much longer they will be on the road until they arrive.

B Types - And then there are the people that have no care about the exact amount time the trip will take but are all excited and prepared for the journey - these are your typical people that yell excitedly - Road trip. They are the people that leisurely take their time at rest areas and stop to see occasion sights on the way to their destination. They know they will get to their destination but not worried about the exact moment they will arrive.

So what does this have to do with running???

Well I use to be you a A Type when it came to my running goals. Constantly worried about how long it was going to take me to reach my goals, occasionally taking in the sights along the way but always checking Am I there yet? Am I there Yet? When will I get there? How much longer till I get there?

More recently, I have had a total mindset change that has given me the happiness just to relax and be happy.

I have become a more B Type. I know I will get there. I have no doubt about it at all. I know my destination is there but for now I am stopping at the rest areas, making friends and seeing all the sights, enjoying a great meal and just taking it all in.

Best of all, I am no longer checking if I am there yet?

Confessions

Okay a huge confession coming your way! I AM FIT!! I am FITTIER than I have ever been.

I am reveling in my fitness gains and realizing that hard pays off, maybe not today, tomorrow but eventually hard work always pays off.

And wa la -

I ran a dream tempo/aerobic threshold run today. 6:49, 6:49, 6:44, 6:44, 6:44, 6;44, 6:44, 6:40, 6:40, 6:35

What I loved about this run was that I frickin loved this run! I was so content, relaxed and confident. I stayed positive and the constant atta girls coming from brain were fueling me to run faster. Only did I feel challenged was in the last mile as I just wanted it done so I pressed a bit faster to get it over quicker.

So this run was slightly overshadowed by a monkey on back that has frustrating to say the least. My struggle with my weight. I use to never have weight problems at all until the thyroid went haywire and now I can gain weight very quickly and very easily with no rhythm or reason that I can figure out.

I have been running mega miles and haven't really watch my weight but I felt like my sports bras were fitting tight in past couple of weeks. Sure enough I weighed myself this AM and frickin 5 pds out of now where not to mention the 5 pds that I had hoped to shed in high mileage. How does one run 70-80 miles a week and gain weight??? I have no idea. I am not ever a big eater and have to force food down sometimes to fuel runs. Anyway that whine session is over.

When I stepped on the scale this AM, the news of the weight gain threaten to derail my workout effort. I called my husband to cry to him about it and he got my head on straight. He said this is just another piece of your puzzle that you need to figure out. He was so right. I put the weight out of my mind and went to work killing my tempo. I haven't come this far to have 5-10 pds get me down and in a tizzy.

After my run, I spoke with my sports soft tissue guy who also does sports nutrition for endurance athletes and specializes in the Ironman distance. So fueling for performance..That is what I need to learn how do I fuel my body with the calories it needs without over or under doing it. He speculates that I am under fueling and my body is trying to keep everything. I will know in a few days as I am suppose to keep a food journal for next 4 days. I have hope that once we figure how to fuel my body I will thin out a bit.

I am not going to dwell on the pounds but know that we will figure this out too! Just like I have figured everything this far.

Keep moving forwarding...

Moments, Lots of Miles and Smiles

I really am in love with my journey right now. I am just running with so much happiness. Only 5 weeks to Boston and I sort will feel sad to close the door on this amazing training cycle. I have run 90% of my runs alone and I have enjoyed the solitude. I have just been quietly racking up the miles and doing the workouts and enjoying the progress I have seen in the past 4-6 weeks. In the 8 weeks leading up to Boston before I taper, I will average 72-73 miles a week with the high one week at 84/85 miles.

My body feels so great in so many ways. I am feeling more and more confident with each run and workout. My workouts are fabulous and when I go to workout - the only thing that goes through my mind is how much I love running fast. I savor every mile and every rep and every moment when I am running fast. I feel free and it is just flowing.

Today I ran a very fast workout - 7 X 1 mile @ 6:15-6:20 average with 60 sec rest and I never felt tired! Only that last minute of each rep did I even feel like I was working hard.

I love going into a workout with no expectations. Going in having a general framework of paces and distances/workout formation and than seeing what the body wants to do. No pressure just allow it to flow. I was super surprised today when I thought the workout might only be 6 X 1 mile and to feel so peppy and able to extend to 7 X 1 mile. And even than I felt like I could do a few more reps. Not tired at all.

Just enjoying all smiles, miles and moments :-)

80 miles Ya'all

I am so excited to have reach this milestone this week. 80 miles ya'all!!

I knew I wanted to this training segment to be set up differently. More focus on the things that build my confidence, love of training and overall happiness. I decide to not use my coach of the past year and to go at alone while structuring my runs all based on how I felt day to day, week to week, month to month with no pressure without a coach to answer to.

I have been the happiest in my training than I have been in years. I am excited for my runs. I do not fear them or not having the energy to get after it. I generally excited to wake up and run whatever the day holds for me.

It has been freeing to say the least.

I have had a very consistent and solid last 5 weeks where I have averaged 70 mpw for the last 5 weeks. I have had one big/hard workout a week, one moderate workout a week and a long run with several easy and recovery days between these runs.

The story behind these numbers is just plain happiness! Happiness to be running regularly and enjoying all the miles.

Smiles and Miles People!!

Decided to take the long way...

Wow so I feel like I have been just training and enjoying my journey over these past weeks/months. Just putting in the work, not thinking too much about it and the miles and workouts have really been adding up and I am feeling mega strong.

Most recently I made the goal to not have a goal. Well I have a long term vision of where I liked to go and all that I would like to do but I decide to no longer have short term goals. Not get my panties in a bunch over a short term goal of PRing at anyone race. Just keep working day in and day out on my long term goal. This has been so freeing in a way that nothing bothers me like it use too. So what if I have a bad training day, so what if I do not PR at some race, because in the end they are building blocks to where my heart is telling me to go.

At the end of the day, I know where I am going and I have faith that God is taking me there even if it is the long way. The long way is definitely more scenic. The long way proves more challenges but it also provides sweeter and deeper experiences and connections with others.

I am savoring my long road to my dreams!

Taking Risks and Why your critics don't Count!!!

You know I have been wanting to write about this since I ran Myrtle Beach - well jogged it. When I made the decision not to race and run it easy, I did so knowing that people would wonder about my time.  They wouldn't have the decency to call me, message me, or connect with me but they would go behind my back and look up my time and make all kind of assumptions. I knew this would happen and it did. 

People if I wanted to share my race experience with you. I would have. I would called you like I called/texted you and told you how disappointed and frustrated that I could not run the race I had hoped to be able to be able too but I was embracing the experience and knowing it part of my journey. 

I was going to show up, be the best me even grinding though a tough run knowing I was not going to even come close to my slowest half marathons time and that people YES were going to look up my time and judge me and my experience. I was a bit upset about that and my husband asked me why I even cared? I do not know why I cared but I did. 

But guess what I remembered this writing by Theodore Roosevelt the Man in the Arena which gave me some defiance in the face of judgement and superficial concern. Guess what people? Unless you are running with Hashimotos or thyroid disease, you do not get to judge my experience. You have no idea the highs and lows of this devastating disease. 

Sometimes I will be on top of the world and running is clicking and sometimes for no reason at all running becomes oh so difficult. It is not the same sort of I am having a bad day difficult and it is not the I am out of shape cause I have not been training difficult. It is something so completely different. My husband asked me what is was like when I told him how difficult that 13.1 was for me. It is sort of like when you are sprinting as hard as you can and you just need to stop cause your heart is pounding, your breathing is going erratic and you feel like you are going to puke - yup that is what a bad running day feels like for someone with Hashimotos. 

So unless you are in the arena and getting knocked around yourself, I am not interested in your feedback or superficial concern. 

When you step into a following your dreams, you are going to get beat up, sometimes things are not going to work out, it is going to hurt like hell, and you are going to get knocked around a bit.

It is not about winning or losing or PRing, it is about showing up! If you show up in the arena, you are going to get your ass kicked around a bit but breaking through to your dreams can not be done without the courage to show up and face something you know maybe not turn out well. 

You have to have the courage to jump, take risks that might not pan out, you must not listen to your critics, you need to risk your heart being broken 10 times over and trust life to help you mend it.

And than trust that the ass kicking is taking you in the direction of your dreams, goals, ambitions.

Live, Love, Be Courageous and above all else DARE GREATLY!

Stay Open

I saw this the day after I ran the Myrtle Beach Half Marathon and it pretty much summed how I was feeling. 

Let's first start by saying that when I had registered for Myrtle Beach Half  was well before my downhill marathon attempt at Charleston. After Charleston, I made myself a promise that I would not race again until I knew I was healthy and ready to go. Going into Charleston I knew my thyroid health was iffy at best. I knew things had not felt good in the days leading up to the race but I didn't listen to my intuition saying this is not good Jamie. I was registered so I would run. I ignored the signs and tried to tell myself I was going to be okay on race day. I wasn't okay at all and I paid both a physical and emotional prices for not listening to myself.

Flash forward fours weks, I had been feeling better than ever, running 3 awesome workouts and putting the miles in. I had 100% planned to train through Myrtle Beach Half. No taper, continue workouts and run Myrtle beach for fun and maybe a little faster than fun if I felt good. No racing though!!! I knew this but started seeing stars after a few great workouts. The oh how fast can I run this started flashing through my mind. This was stopped just 3 days before when I felt that old, familiar heart racing in the evening on the Thursday night 2 nights before the race. I took Friday off from running and by Friday afternoon when the decision to go to Myrtle Beach had to be made. I made the decision not to go run it as I knew that racing heart was a sign that something was off with my thyroid. It was a difficult decision and I shed a few tears while discussing it with my husband. Sometimes the decisions you need to make are not the ones you want to make. 

Well my husband said "are you sure you want to do this - cancel" and I was 100% sure I was not going to race. He called the hotel to cancel and guess what? We missed the cancellation window so we made a very quick decision to go as not to have eat 2 nights hotel and 1 race fee. We'd go and have a nice weekend away at the beach. I would run but not race. I promised myself I would under no conditions put myself in harms way and I would run easy. The things is when the thyroid goes Hyper (racing heart) running can be dangerous and I needed to watch my heart rate. 

On race morning, I was super happy to be with my sweet family that rolled out of bed at 5:30AM to get me to the race start. They were so sweet, loving and supportive as they dropped me off in the pouring, cold rain near the start. I got to see several friends at the start and wish them well. I ran without a garmin and knew I was going to run by feel. Crazy thing is when I am in hyper phase running at any pace feels difficult so I ran at a pace that allowed my heart not to feel funny. Anytime I felt that weird heart is working too hard feeling, I backed off and just tried to take my mind off running by chatting with people along the course. I knew the pace to be somewhat slower than I even thought I would run when I was chatting with a marathonor and he told me he was right on target and told me his average. I was like geez really and I feel this bad at that pace. I am so happy that I made to decision not to use a garmin because I think I would have gotten discouraged and upset if I saw my pace. Instead I focused on what I could control which was my attitude and my experience. 

I finished at a time I had not run since I ran my second half marathon when I first started running 10 yrs ago but I had finished and with my sweet family there for me. I was very satisfied. Later that afternoon, I would shed a few tears of frustration but those passed as I napped away the afternoon in a super cozy and awesome resort getaway. The beach, ocean and beauty of watching my children chase each other on the beach in the afternoon renewed my hope and love of life.

This thought came to my mind - it(life) really doesn't have to go perfectly to be perfectly beautiful. That these times when we are raw is when the beauty of life emerges. Your heart just has to remain open to receive it.

Life is beautiful! Stay Open!