Inspiration - What comes next?

In the last year I have so many false start about getting back to my running that I am hesitant to say anything to anyone or be excited about signs of hope that I will return to myself as a runner.

I took the summer off mostly with occasional runs but with it being so hot. I didn't feel bad at all about taking the time off.  I started to notice in July more time and more times that I was feeling pretty good overall with no more weird symptoms that I had been experiencing most of 2015 and into 2016.

By the end of July right before we went on vacation, I jumped on the treadmill to test how I felt.

So running gives me the best indication of how my body is functioning that is why I decided to test it. I ran 2 miles easy than a strong tempo averaging 7:25 for 25 minute pace and than a short cool down. I wasn't struggling, no weird clammy  feeling or feeling out of shape. The pace came easy almost so that I thought I could press but I didn't want to push too hard out the gate.

It gave me hope that my fitness is under there waiting to be taped into!

Than I planned my comeback after vacation and kids back to school only to be thwarted by a turned ankle 30 minutes into an easy run.

I took two weeks off! I kept positive!

Today I tested the ankle with a workout on the treadmill!

Wow I know it isn't blow your socks off fast but it came super easy. I had no hypoglycemic issues and no low dips in energy. Smooth Sailing!

Here is the workout -

3 miles warm up, 4 x 1 mile with 60 secs walk recovery at 7;31, 7;29, 7:29, 7:26. 2 mile cool down

I am pleased!

I am really not sure what I want to do running wise. I have yet to be inspired to sign up for a race. I think being burned by signing up for so many races last year and not being able to run them has me gun shy.

So I will keep running, training, doing yoga and writing until I find something inspiring that inspires me that I just have to do. I will wait on the universe to line something up for me but until I will keep working. Sometimes is okay not to know and just wait but you have to be motion for that inspiration to find you!

Heal and Rise

I promise I would write in to try to document my journey back to whole health. As I wrote in my last post. I am really feeling the energy return to my body. It's like a switch took place and my body seems to be processing energy differently.

Maybe my liver is functioning well now? Maybe we have manage to lower the viral load? Maybe my hormones are naturally balancing out?

I have taken so many small steps over these past 3 weeks.

I think all the steps together are moving me in the right direction.

I not sure what is going on but things are moving in the happiest direction. I have had 2 runs in a role where I am felt really good. Yesterday just an easy 4 for that I didn't want to stop because I felt so good and today a workout of 4 x 1 mile at 7:30 to 7:40.

Really pleased with how today went! I never felt strained or liking I was reaching for something that wasn't there. It was there and it felt good! Gives me so much hope for regaining not only my health but my that I feel good running and love running feeling that I have missed so so so much.

I have dreamt of what it would feel like running with ease again. That is what is pulling me through. That day when I can get on the road with my energy and my soul and spirit in higher.

It feels like it is coming back. Part of me is scared to acknowledge for fear that it shall pass through my fingers. Part of me wants to scream and tell anyone that will listen.

My energy is back! My energy is back! My body is working again! My body is working again!!

I want it to be so bad. Not only for me though but for my family and for I one day meet that I can help with my story and being able to share with them how I healed.

As I heal and rise again, I know my struggle had purpose and serves as part of my special journey. My pain turned my heart to becoming more and helping others find their way through this struggle.

Finding Joy

I am having a really good week! I can feel my body and energy returning to my body.

More than just my the energy  returning it feels more like life, happiness and joy are returning which is the surest sign I am healing. I can feel the happy buzz and light filling the places that were dark just weeks ago.

It has been a slow steady thing over the past few weeks since Boston.

What's crazy is I am happy and feel the joy even though I am not yet where I hope to be. I have yet to lose the weight gained from my time spent on thyroid meds. I no longer care how long it will take me to lose the weight.

What is more important than the losing the weight is finding that sparkle of love, joy and happiness in me every day when I wake in the past week.

I feel connected to myself again! This is the most important thing ever to me. To access to myself again.

When the dark days were surrounding me the most discerning thing was the not the weight gain, the bloating, the sadness, or the anger but not being able to connect to that happy buzz of warm energy that is me and that is god.

I know I will be okay and I will heal fully if can feel that part of me.

No matter how tired I may feel in my recovery and healing I know I will be okay when that warmth is surrounding me.

Standing up again

Wow I can't believe that it has been almost a year since I was writing in here.

I was pondering to myself about how can I an reignite the fire that burned so brightly for so long. This dream has been weighted down my health dilemmas over the past year.

Do I even want to chase this dream anymore is a big question I have been asking myself?

I am pretty sure I do because I can't stop thinking about it or picturing myself achieving it. The vision is still there. It is the first thing my brain locks on to when I wake up in the morning or when I go to sleep and want to think of something I really want.

The thing my brain wants to dream about it running free and strong again and running my dream race where I feel so darn good and floating on air and so much emotional and love in my heart.

That is what pulls me. It is what weighs on me, It's what my hearts wants. It is what I can't seem to let go of.

Am I suppose to let go of it? Is it that what the saying let it go and if it was meant to be it will find its way back to you.

Well how do you let go of something that calls to your heart, soul and mind. The fills your mind when all is quiet. It literally naws at me.

I let go of my goals for a time being but my dreams are still an every present knocking that is like saying rest, do other things for a while but please do not forget about me. I need love, attention and nurturing if I am to come alive again.

This is what my dream is telling me. Remember Me. Mend Me. Nurture Me. Grow Me,

Please, Please, Please don't hide me or hide from me. I am still here! Forget me not!

I seriously thought I could take a month of running and free my mind of this dream. Focus on healing and just being. Of course a week later I am running. Slowly but I am running. I am not going very far but I am running. Sometimes it feels so good and sometimes is doesn't. With the running comes the dreaming..

Can I get back to where I use to be? Can I run better than I use to run? Will I ever feel that light effortless stride that felt so good to me? Will running feel easy to me again?

My goal is to unearth my dream, let the voice of it be stronger than the doubts and fears that have threaten it.

Try to listen to the whispering s and follow the feel of it.




Thank you for reading!