Road Trip

So I was thinking this analogy this morning. Say you decide to go on a road trip cross country from California to New York. You get to Colorado having a great time but you start having car troubles. Than are delayed in Colorado trying to get parts and this an that. When people ask you "where are going?".  You still say you are on a road trip to New York right? The delay does not alter your intended destination right? You don't decide to head back to Cali because of the delay or obstacle. You get the parts fixed and keep heading toward your destination.

That is all for now...

You Gotta Get Back Up!

Theme and deep thought of my day! While visiting my ART guy for some maintenance work, I said to him I will rise again :-) And he jokingly said that sounds like you are the fallen one. My response was that I have felt like the fallen one.

I am regaining perspective and renewing my spirit with the love and support all my family and friends. Really what would I do without the love of you all that to listen to me sob, listen to my hurt, give me a compassionate loving hug, or encouraging and knowing words that I will come out on the other end of this. For everyone that has taken the time to send notes/phone calls sharing your stories, your support and love - THANK YOU!!! Thank you for listening & caring enough to help me through this bump in the road.

I have not really return to running yet. Yes I have run a couple of shorter runs where I struggled with paces that should be easy or recovery. My heart races and I generally feel like someone kicked me and than ran me over with a truck. Not really the pleasant feeling that running usually provides me.

It has been decided that I am going to take a extend break from training. Yes, I hope to run a couple miles here and there just to maintain sanity but through rest, nutritional and hormone adjustments, I hope to come back stronger.

Something that touched my heart to share - Always get back up!

Thought for the Day

Happy Sad

Happy Sad is a real emotion right? That is how I am feeling today! Both immensely happy to living the life that I set out to live but also still healing from some disappointment. 

I woke up to the sound of my sweet daughters singing voice. Singing this song that we love "Believe it". It was so beautiful to hear in the quiet of the house but this sweet voice humming the lyrics to this song. My heart literally ached as I listened and pour my coffee. I just stood there enjoying the moment with my coffee in hand. Ah Happiness! I went back into my room and asked my husband if he could hear her singing. And we shared of moment of peace and pride in how our daughter could fill a morning with so much joy and love.

Sometimes when we are feeling so vulnerable while healing a broken heart we actually can have the most heightened emotional senses. We feel things so much deeper both the happy and the sad have great depth and meaning. If I wasn't feeling so vulnerable I may never enjoyed that moment for beauty that it held.

The instinct to hide from hurt is very human or American :-). We may hide by having a drink to num the pain or try to forgot it by occupying our mind with other activities  The pain is there and I think allowing ourselves to feel it will actually allow for ourselves to feel the opposite emotion in a greater capacity & with more appreciation.

So for the day I will allow myself to feel both Happy Sad! 

Teeter-Tautering

Funny at the beginning of the week, I was handling the MB thing so well. I was proud of myself! No mental anguish or breakdowns!! I am a changed girl!  I had put on my big girl pants, kept the chin up and re-told myself the story of how everything was happening just as it should. I told everyone that asked that I know it was for the best and all is well. Everything happens for a reason.

Than my mid-week when I knew I needed to get down to business and really get this thyroid thing taken care of the emotions were starting to well-up inside of me. I had held back the floodgates and smiled to everyone but by Thursday I was tired and overwhelmed. I went for a walk in the woods to try to sort myself out as I couldn't run yet. I got about 10 minutes into the woods and every emotion that I fought to hold back or tell myself was not there were literally being ripped out of my chest. I can not believe how quickly it all came out. I was walking and crying trying to figure why I was have this mega-meltdown in the woods. About 25 minutes in, I sat down at a stream where my tears just kept rolling. I feel like the tears were just being pulled out of me like the universe saying release that shit you are trying to hide in there as strength. It is not strong to act like nothing is wrong. It is not strong to hide what you are feeling. It is strong to deal with it, acknowledge it, and forgive yourself - that is strong. So I cried my heart out and little by little I am releasing the fears that were threatening to swallow me. I release them so I could replace the fear with hope and renewal.

What I realized was that by not acknowledging that had felt pain and real disappoint, I blocked my own ability to regain my hope and renew  my spirit with those of how I am going to overcome and rebuild. I also blocked my family and friends ability to support and love me through this time. In my effort to be strong, I was blocking my greatest source of strength - Love! The love of those people that are my world. Love is the greatest healing and renewer! By finally allowing myself to feel the pain and be vulnerable, I also let in so much healing and love.

Is Life Challenging You?

When circumstances that appear in our life that may go against what we want or believe is for the best,   

we need understand even though whatever is uncomfortable or challenging to our minds and body it is the circumstance that allows us to transform, to grow, to become a better version ourselves. It is our challenges that change us! It is the moment that we decide in the face of the circumstances and say defiantly "I will overcome this" that is when we move past the challenge into all that we are meant to be.

I know that in order to achieve my life goals I need to transform constantly, I need to learn the lessons that life is trying to teach me. 

One of the big lessons that is a constant for me is Fall Down, Get Back Up, Stronger, More Resilient, More Determined, and MORE POWERFUL! 

I have learned that you can not be afraid of falling down. You can not be afraid of an outcome that is not of your design. You have to embrace whatever comes your way and know it is for the best! 

S'up Thyroid

Thinking about writing in my blog today so many topics and thoughts on what I should write about came to mind. So many things have become clearer to me and my faith has been renewed and strengthened.

First the amaziness about my run on Saturday! Only days later can I look back in awe of the day. While there is nothing amazing about the actual splits, I feel something truly divine must have happen to me on Saturday. If you read the post below you know that on this day running my normal easy 8-8:30 pace was a tremendous hard effort for whatever reason most likely to do with the synthyroid or/and thyroid malfunctioning.

I pulled my Garmin out today for the first to take a look at the mile spilts.

Remember my goal was to run easy for the first half and hope to run the second a bit stronger & faster.

Mile 1 - 8:24
Mile 2 - 8:17
Mile 3 - 8:28
Mile 4 - 8:27
Mile 5 - 8:39
Mile 6 - 8:26
Mile 7 - 8:21
Mile 8 - 8:38
Mile 9 - 8:39
Mile 10 - 8:44 - you can see here that this is where I started to struggle
Mile 11 - 8:57
Mile 12 - 9:31
Mile 13 - 9:50
Mile 14 - 9:32
Mile 15 - 9;15
Mile 16 - 10:14 - Wheels falling off - my body was shutting down BIG time
Mile 17 - 10:46
Mile 18 - 9:01 + Seen Nick and kids tried on more time but it hurt and it was hard to move my body forward
Mile 19 - 9:35

What I think is so great is that I think I lost conscious thought somewhere between mile 14 & 17 and that I am amazed at how I was even able to move forward towards my family with all my systems shutting down.

Running & Thyroid 101

Basically what happens with the thyroid is that it produces 2 important hormones T3 and T4. Running requires the T3 to be available for use. If some reason my body does not have sufficient T3 into can not convert fats & carbohydrates into ATP. ATP is our bodies ready-to-use energy system. It is T3 that turns on the ATP-making machinery inside each living cell.

"Problems may arise when outside factors act upon the thyroid metabolism cycle which can lead to disruptions in TSH levels, decreased production of T4, incomplete conversion of T4 to T3 or imbalance in the ratio of T3 to reverse T3. High levels of cortisol caused by stress, for example, can suppress the production of TSH, leading to symptoms of hypothyroidism due to low hormone production. The thyroid gland could also appear to be functioning normally if TSH is the only blood level tested and it is being artificially suppressed by high cortisol levels"

Anything from being sick the week before, not recovering sufficiently from faster running the week before, allergies could disruption my body's ability to convert and use T3.

From whatever reason the thyroid was not function properly, I choose to see it as a miracle that I was even able to get to my family given my body's inability to convert T3 to energy.  I think that a power outside of my body & mind carried me to them. The splits show the deep lose of energy and show that all my body was trying to shut down.

Every process that goes on inside our bodies requires energy - specifically metabolic energy. When the body doesn’t have enough energy to function properly, each component of the body will malfunction in its own unique way.

I truly believe my spirit was trying to carry me even when my body was trying to shut down.

One of the biggest reason why I know my body shut down completely somewhere in those miles 14-17 was from the deep muscle fatigue & soreness I experienced post-race. I woke up on Sunday feeling like I had been hit by a bus. Muscles ached that I have had ached before, I was limping, tight and awkward - this signals that I had pushed beyond what my body was able to do physically on this day. Even 3 days later, my body hurts more than I would running a marathon at all out effort. Mind you, I ran a 22 miler much faster just weeks before so a run at these paces should nowhere come close to doing this much damage.

I believe that my spirit carried me to my family and to safety on this day :-) Blessings!