I know, I know I keep saying and honestly get excited about doing it and than it all becomes so much.
The ups and downs of Hashimotos are ridiculous. One week I am flying high and everything seems to be working out and than CRASH! Hormones go crazytown and I left wondering wtf? The rollercoaster ride can take its toll and did if fact do that to me last week.
I had been feeling amazing and running really well for about 4-6 weeks and than last week I started feeling a bit off. In the craziness and busyness of kids going to school and preparing for my trip to Cali, I did not pay much attention to the signs that my body was moving from an optimal state into an "hyperthyroid" state. I needed that extra energy to get things done so the fact that I was so wired and not sleeping - totally okay with me for a couple days to get shit done but than I started to feel the "crash" of hyper state coming my way just 3-4 days before I was race a half marathon. I had an amazingly fast workout 5 days out, I felt off during both warm-up and cool-down but I literally flew through the workout with ease. The next day during my recovery run, I felt fine running both this weird calmly feeling after run and shivers and a cold sweat the rest of the day. Totally weird and the calmy & sweaty feel would come and go. Than happen the next day after my easy run. I was in California by this point enjoying the wonderful, humidity free air and a little concerned about how I was feeling. I knew something was off but really tried my best to know that it was going to be okay both for my trip and race. Because I was visiting with my sister, it was easy to distract my mind from my health but at night as I lay trying to sleep, I could feel my heart racing a bit harder than normal. I stop taking my meds 2 days before the race, hoping that would lower my hormones levels and bring them back into balance as I knew these were all signs that I was hyperthyroid.
Race day morning - I had a positive outlook and my hopes were high but also cautious. As I did my warm-up, within 10 days of warm-up that yucky feeling was there. After I did my strides I felt even worse and my hands felt like they were swelling - it was was weird. I toe-lined the hoping and praying for the best. The race was actually delayed by 10 minutes and I was there trying to keep myself for focusing the worst case scenarios. Yes the thoughts of DNFing were there and I kept trying to not let myself go there. I lined up near the 1:40 guy and thought okay if I just stay with him, I will be okay. Honestly my goal was sub 1:35 but at this point, I knew it would be beyond lucky if I could run a 1:40. So I was happy to run near this pace guy. Race started and I dropped in right behind the 1:40 guy. After the first mile, I thought okay I can do this my body is handling this pace fine and I even got a bit ahead of the pacer after 2 miles. I was not wearing a Garmin and just going on feel but I felt all sudden that was pressing way too hard and ask the gal next to me what pace were running and she said 7:32. I was shocked as the pace felt more like 5:30 to me at that point. And I struggled mental as I was feeling like total crap and thought it would be a miracle for me to even run 6 miles feeling like this. I let the 1:40 guy go on past me around 6 miles and I just tried to stay in it. I finished at 1:41:40. I was beyond thankful to finish because each mile beyond 3 was a mentally grueling effort. I never gave up during the race. This race time no where reflect where my coach or myself feel my fitness is at but it is what I had I on this day.
I am proud of myself for not getting down or beating myself up. I stayed positive when things looked bleak both in the days before and during the race. I didn't get upset and kept my chin and just know one day all this will make sense. I know that if I keep patient and positive, I will be able to run a race the reflects all my hard work and efforts.
We do not get to pick our obstacles or trials. We do get to pick our attitude and how we are going handle the disappointments. I will not let this disappointment set me back. I know that I am moving forward and good thing lie ahead.