What do you do when you have high hopes and pray for the highest good and it turns out bad?
I have no idea. I guess you just accept that is was necessary a part of your journey is the only thing I can come up with.
I had high spirits about this race. I had experienced some shortness of breath and chest tightening early in the week leading up to race but I was also feeling confident that good things can happen when you stay positive. I stayed positive and did a good job of shaking off the doubts that keep popping in my head about the allergies season and thyroid stuff. I felt like okay even if I do not run what I know I capable of running than I can run it as a marathon run and still PR running at marathon pace.
I woke up with a feeling of happiness to see a great day come to pass. I was excited to run. In the first mile, I actually felt pretty strong and thought okay maybe I will be able to run this faster than marathon pace. I was cranking and feeling pretty smooth after a hilly second mile and going into the 3rd mile, I felt a tightening in my chest and I was struggling for air. I worked hard to stay calm and work through it but it just kept feeling tight so I had to slow to a pace that I could breathe. Not once did I look at my watch but knew I was slowing down and starting to get passed. Yup I thought about walking quite a few times but just stayed in each mile. That is pretty much how this ended. I did pass one runner in the mile but finished this race 2 minutes slower than 2 years before. Logically I know why I was effected, I couldn't breathe. I was running slower than I ran the last 8 miles of my long run last week. I was slower than I ran my 7 mile leg at Blue Ridge, where I climbing 700 ft over 2.5 miles at 4,000 ft elevation. Not matter how much you logicially know there is a reason behind, you are still left bewildered. I have never been affected this dramatically by allergy induced bronchialspasm. Yes I struggled this a few weeks every Fall but never to this extent. Never felt stopped in my tracks by it.
FALL ALLERGIES - YOU SUCK!!!!
So I just sucker punched again...but than when I was struggled I kept thinking about how grateful I am to be running and continuing to put work in even if my efforts do not show through at the moment. That doesn't mean that I am not working just as hard. I know a few close friends that have stress fractures and would love to be out there racing even if at sub-optimal times. I know some friends that are ill that would love to be running. I know so many that too suffer with Hashimotos and can not exercise at all. I thought of them when I struggled. I thought of the gift that I have given even when the circumstances can sometimes suck major ass.
I told a close friend after this race..this is first time I wondered if I am suppose to be doing this and she reminded of what I have already gone through and there is no going back now. I knew that on some level but in the emotionally aftermath, I didn't think about it that way.
I am blessed to have friends that reach out to me and encourage me when my heart breaks a little.
So tomorrow I will wake up and put on my shoes and work out some of the heartache and find the strength to soldier on. Cause that is what I do..always keep moving forward. Eye on the prize Kiawah Marathon.