This post is about a week behind because after the race we left immediately to go on vacation and have spent the last 8 days on a cruise ship in the Pacific ocean.
I have to say if you are going to have a terrible race day it is best to go on a cruise to lick your wounds, regroup and recharge. This was not how I envisioned the day or week but I can't think of a better way to regroup and recharge. Especially when you are surrounded by the magic of Disney and your family. I pretty much forgot about being a runner with big goals for a week. I ran a little but only if I felt like it and didn't force myself to go through the motions. I rested, relaxed, spent lots of time reading in the sun, drinking (bahama mamas) the afternoons away with my husband, enjoying fabulous dinners and shows in the evenings with my husband and children. It was just what my soul needed.
I came away feeling very positive and restored. I really started questioning if I was going down the right path after Charleston. Funny thing is every since Kiawah and probably at Kiawah, I felt myself feeling Hyperthyroid versus Hypothyroid which can happen with Hashimotos. You can swing between both states. I started backing off my hormone/meds. I was feeling better and watching my body temps responding and normalizing off meds. I was feeling amazing!! My thyroid was working on its own with no meds and my body temps were normal! Than bamb about 5 days before Charleston I took one of my hormone pills cause I thought I would test out of it I needed it cause my temps had dipped a tad. Big mistake as it took me over the edge. About 3 days before the race I definitely felt hyper! Not good but I had big hopes with 3 days to clear my system that I would be fine on race day. Nope that was the case at all. I knew about 5 miles in that I was not in a good state but though if I could hold my normal easy pace of 8-8:20 I could run a decent marathon. Well about mile 12-13 I was losing steam and my ankle was started to do something weird ( I think I tied my shoe to tight) and the more miles in the worse it was feeling. I knew by 16, I was toast and done so I took it in and finished 19 miles. I 100% knew I was making the right call and I was not upset at all doing as I knew was for the best. Not the outcome I had hoped for but sometimes you just have to be smart about it. In the hours after though in the long car ride, I would start questioning if I could do this. If this disease was going to limit my ability to chase my goals. That is what floated around my head for about 4 hours. I didn't have an answer but something I continued to ponder on and off through my trip.
While driving home today while reading one of my books, I came across this section where it talked about Whoopi Goldberg's dream of becoming an actress. She was a poor, young, single mom working 2 jobs for 7 years with no connections to hollywood but kept her dream alive in her heart when most would have give up hope.
No one thinks when they set out to do something big that is going to be heartbreakingly hard at times, it may seem impossible to others and sometimes you may question yourself. Through all this you have to hold onto the vision in your heart and mind and that will be enough to get you through the tough times.
When I read Whoopi's story, I cried. Somehow knowing that the success my heart seeks is not suppose to come easy brought me to tears. I also realized that I want my story to be about a girl with a dream/vision that weathered some pretty bad ass storms and came out on the other end. I will keep that vision in my heart and keep moving forward. I rather be that girl seeking something beautiful and big than a girl wondering why I didn't keep trying. I have come to a point where it would be harder to walk away from my dreams than to stay and fight for them.
No matter how long, no matter what - I will be here doing the only thing my heart knows how to do - Fight for what you love!