A week of processing this event still leaves me not quite clear on how I feel on all accounts.
One thing I know is I fell in love with Boston just like everyone said I would. Once Boston is in your blood it sticks with you.
Most of you know my personal accounts of Boston and where we were and what we went through so I will leave that be.
I was sad and shocked on Monday, turned to grief on Tuesday but by Tuesday night I was moving past to acceptance and looking for the love and light. Found lots of it! Many family and friends surrounding us with love and helping us process the events with kind notes, flowers on our doorsteps, gifts, and tons of hugs. How can not move out of sadness when your world is full of love.
By Wednesday I was starting to get to a point of fight! Deciding I am going back to Boston in 2014! I am happy for my BQ in December and so happy to have that since the opportunities to BQ before September are few.
Now onto the race itself!! I had such high hopes for feeling good. In the weeks before Boston, I had felt better than than I had in weeks/months. I had allowed myself to believe that just maybe I would rock it. We had such an amazing trip into Boston. Spent lots of time with family & friends in the city. Basically living up the Boston experience. I was so full of joy and living on a high of unbelievable support from all my family & friends. I felt like I had the whole world on my side when I got to the start line. I said a start line prayer for the best day possible.
It is thick in the early miles and I was in no hurry to waste energy moving around for better position. So I sat back and let things roll but immediately in those early minutes I felt that thyroid yuck. It is nearly impossible to explain but you know when you feel it. I held out hope that the feeling would pass. But by the mile 6 it was there and not going away. I knew I had to back off and not take any risks to push the pace because I was running the BOSTON MARATHON and I would not be DNFing today. I worked to refocus on having a great day despite the thyroid yuck. I slapped as many kids hands as I could, I adsorbed the crowds cheers, I tried to make eye contact with as many volunteers to say thank you for being there, I stopped for 5-6 times for pictures with crowds in several places, I slowed down through Wellesley to read signs, to smile and appreciate this area, I hugged the guys in Boston College as they tried to share their beer with me, I took my time on Heartbreak, I slowed down through miles 24-25 to make sure I didn't pass my family. I enjoyed myself to the fullest and than I ran my last mile the strongest with my eyes full of tears and happiest. I had set a goal years ago to qualify and run the Boston Marathon and I had seen a dream come to pass. My heart was heavy with happiness and joy when I crossed that finish line at exactly 3:51:01. I had not really looked at my watch in terms of time in all those miles but was proud of my run given I had done what I set out to do. I really believe it was the day that I was meant to have. If I was to have trail blazing time, God would had made it so with letting me feel 100%. I did the best I could and I can walk away knowing that my dots are going to connect one day. Maybe not in Boston, maybe not my next marathon but one day my next goal/dream will come to pass. I am willing to keep trying, keep believing and maybe even fall down a few more times on my way as I know I will need every experience from here to there to reach my big awesome goal.
I knew when I started in BOSTON that the outcome of this day was out of my control that I was only responsible for 2 things on that course - my attitude and my effort and the rest was in GODs hands. I knew if I steeled my mind in positively that my effort would be something I could be proud of no matter the outcome.
I fell in love with Boston - the city and it's marathon.
I hope to go back more than once in my lifetime! I am a Boston Marathoner!