Puzzle Pieces

Oh my! The week has gone by and I have barely written in here. Last week I promised myself I would write in here and often to continue to express myself during this time.

Things are starting to click here for me. I am feeling better and more like my old self running. Running more consistently well and being to do speed work and tempos without taking 3-4 days to recover from one workout. Even my long runs are not taking me long to recover from so that is really a great thing. In the past, yes I would manage a strong tempo or speed work here and there but I would be toast for days after and really would not being to put in any other significant work for 3-5 days. If I did try to run hard it often ended up being a sub par effort. So I am celebrating that I have been able to do one speedwork, tempo and long run a week and not carrying over any fatigue from the previous runs. I think it also has a lot to do with the way my coach is structuring my training which never depletes me fully and focuses on recovery.

I am waiting for bloodwork to come back from an extensive blood panel. It will be interesting to see what the results say. I have been feeling so much better with just the nutritional adjustments and training adjustments that I wonder what the bloodwork will say. If I am still not normal in TSH range, well that is great cause it leaves room for improvement and if I have come into the normal optimal range than that is great too. Either way it is I feel like everything is working out.

So with just 3 weeks to Grandma's I am pleased with where I am at mentally and physically. The pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together to form a beautiful picture. I will keep putting puzzle pieces in place over the next few weeks. I am thankful for pieces (people like my coach, my friends & family and drs) that I have been given to me to help complete my puzzle :-)

Keep Going Until

How many times would you be willing to take the fall in your pursuit of your goal? How many times would you be willing to look a fool in pursuit of your goal? How many times would you hope and dream not to have those hopes come true in the way you wished with all your heart they would happen?

For me the answer is so simple, as many times as it takes. Keep going UNTIL you reach your goal.

I seriously am at the place where I have worked so hard and gone through so much that I do not think there is ever a point where I would be diverted from my goal.

This whole journey leaves me with a greater sense of self belief. I believe in myself to never give up and believe in myself that I will make the right decisions on my way to my goal.

If I didn't give up during the hardest of times. When running was painful and my head was battling thoughts of  this feels so bad - why are you doing this? I did it! I gutted out so many runs that where physically difficult and emotion & mental torture yet I never stopped. This has developed a mental strength in me no amount of training could ever give me. No marathon specific workout can prepare you to gut out the bad patches - only life can truly give you the experience of "never give up" so that you can translate that experience one day into something amazing.

It is just has to be...

I am committed to writing in here everyday whilst I get my head on straight. I realized how much this blog is like therapy for me. Like getting the thoughts out somehow helps me focus and redefine my direction. Even if no one reads this anymore cause of my lack of writing that is cool, these words are more for me anyways.

WOW! How one day can rock your world!! I will really thought I was humming along well and than Monday put me into a panic mode and I wrote yesterday about how I felt like I was settling back down after my panic attack. Honestly I am still wondering - How did I let so much fear in?? How did I  not realize the floodgates of fear had been opened and let is overwhelm me. Normally yes I can have "fear" moment but I have been so good at shoving it back where it belongs. I didn't do that this week - I feed the fears! I feed one fearful thought with another and bamb by Tuesday I was nutty as heck! 

I am happy now to be aware of this and moving past it. I am feeling the fear and moving forward with my goal to run well at Grandmas!! I am going to trust that I am suppose to be there doing awesome stuff on that race course. I will keep this chin up looking at the heavens for directions along the way.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!!! At the end of the day, I love running and believe that everything will eventually fall into place. I may not know the whens, the hows, or the whys of this journey but I am certain that it just has to be.

Grandmas Marathon 4 weeks Away!!

So I have yet to really tell many people about my trip to Duluth, Minnesota in 4 weeks! I was suppose to run this race last year and when a dear friend started talking about maybe going this year. I signed up right along side of her. Really having no clue to what kind of shape I would be in running-wise and health-wise, just sort of a leap of faith. It felt right and everything lined up perfectly so it was a done deal.

I had a chat with Steph yesterday about it and we are both having similar feelings at the 4 week mark. What did we get ourselves into!!! I woke up on Monday to feeling groggy & foggy which just sent me into a tailspin. I started questioning my decision and what the heck was I doing when I had no idea what the status of my thyroid is at the moment. I am not medicated on hormones and really taking it day by day. So on Monday after not being shake the fogginess and fearing my thyroid was diving again, I freaked out on my coach, I freaked out on my husband, I freaked out on myself out. This little panic of fear lasted pretty much till today. last night I had some clear headed conversations with some amazing & supportive friends. Funny how friends can help you see your way back from a freak out episode. I am so blessed to have friends that can see me in my nuttiness of times and without judgement help me back to myself.

So with a little more pep in my step today! I am trying to get my head back on straight. I need to get my hopes up that I will be healthy in June! I need to expect great things and know that they are on there way.  I need to get excited about this awesome adventure with one of my closest friends. No doubt it will be a trip of memories.

Overthinking....Yuck

I haven't been writing much but realized that perhaps I should be trying to write more as I think I have been suppressing a lot. I realized this week that I haven't been myself these past weeks since Boston. It is like my mind is all over the place. Constantly moving and thinking from thought to thought. This is not like me and I am almost do not know what to make off it. I feel like pre-Boston I was always so calm and present even in the tough times. Lately I find my mind going off in different directions lacking focus and very easy to emotional send me off kilter whereas before not much through me off.  Maybe the choas of days sent my mind reeling? Maybe I haven't emotional dealt with Boston? There is apart of me missing. It is like that day didn't happen in my memory but there is apart of me that is screaming yes it did. Post Boston I feel like in order to cope and make sense I went into survival mode constantly scanning my surrounding and thinking. And also trying to get my health back in order. Everyone seems to have differing information on the thyroid health. Going to several drs and trying to figure out the right course for me has left me a bit unsettled and not sure what direction to take.

I have good days where I feel like I am present and focused and than days that I have trouble just staying  in the now and trusting that everything is unfolding perfectly. I know I need to take time to nurture that part of me back. To learn to be quiet again. Start the trusting life process again. Get this mind to stop overthinking and just relax into the flow of life.

Be Healthy

If you read this blog, you would have noticed that I haven't been writing in it very often. I am not sure why as I love using this blog to get out my thoughts and share my journey.  I have had lots of thoughts but I have not really been inspire to write something profound or deep for me in a while. Yes, I have been thinking those thoughts but I think I am really in a place of personal reflection and growth as well as focusing on my health - body, mind and spirit.

I am have been spending lots of my time and energy solving the autoimmune puzzle. Yes I am running but running is not my sole focus at the moment. My attention has been divided and I have been delving dipper into nutrition as medicine and for healing. The thing about autoimmune diseases is that they do not go away with a pill. They are lifelong management of something that can be a little thing with occasional issues or if all the issues are not addressed they are get bad and quality of life can suffer. And if you have one autoimmune disease chances are you can/will get another. So for me, my health and connecting all my health dots has taken center stage.

So that is where I am at but I am running and running better than I have in a long time. I am really pleased with the direction of my training and new coachs principles//guidance. I feel blessed to have have him help me guide me back to where I want to be.

I am more focused on the process of getting well and hoping the running well will be a result of feeling well. I once to read that you get to happy from happy. Novel thought right? Anyway thinking along the same lines you get to running well by feeling well something like happy soul = healthy body.

Do the Hard Work

You know what this hard work is in running with Hashimotos...It is all the work that has nothing to do with running. It is the work that allows that allows me to run and getting back to feeling good running.

It is going to Dr after Dr, having lab work after lab work, reading and educating myself on autoimmune diseases, changing my diet completely, eliminating Gluten, eliminating caffeine, looking at my life to find and eliminate any aggravating factors, taking supplements, eating clean, staying positive day in and day out, looking for the silver lining in every detail of my life...

All these things that are critical to returning to full running health and for life long health. It is the hard work that will make running strong possible one day soon.

Little Changes

I feel like I need to write something although I do not have anything that is particularly on my mind. I thought I would start writing and see what comes. And Nothing...

Oh let me see....I am back to running. And I am back to waking up of full of awesome..And I am more focused than I was 2 weeks ago..I am making progress on understanding more and more about Hashimotos and listening to my body. And I am using nutrition to heal my body and fuel it properly for running. I am back to hoping for a comeback in 2013.

New coach, new training & new possibilities.

Lots of  little changes.....Fact remains is I am still chasing my dream! I am confident that everything is unfolding perfectly. I am very thankful to have a hold of what I am suppose to be doing and happy of all the lessons this journey is teaching me.

Week in Review

Back on the road this week and everyday finding my groove. New coach really pulled back my mileage for this training cycle. It made me nervous at first but I trust him wholeheartedly so I went with it. Run by run this past week I have felt better and really bought into his plan to getting me healthy. Plus as my body adjusts to new meds (hormones) it was not wise to throw me back into big miles and workouts so I really love his approach. The first 2 weeks back running are all about easy miles and easy pace.

I started a new hormone replacement protocol this week. At first I felt great almost surreal how good I felt like WOW is this how normal people feel but by day 6-7 I felt like my heart was racing lots. So I reduced my dosage and going back to dr this week. I do not want to go down the overdosed road again and these hormones are tricky to regulate so back I go to dr.

I am very grateful that for 99% of my runs I felt good this week and no thyroid yuck looming as I ran. Pretty happy about how I felt this week overall.

Monday 30 Minutes (3.5 miles)
Tuesday 30 Minutes (3.8 miles)
Wednesday 45 Minutes (5.2 miles) + Strides
Thursday 1 hr & 15 minutes (8ish miles)
Friday Off
Saturday 45 Miles (5.2 Miles)
Sunday 1 hr & 12 minutes (8.25 miles)

Miles 33-34ish miles