I haven't been writing much but realized that perhaps I should be trying to write more as I think I have been suppressing a lot. I realized this week that I haven't been myself these past weeks since Boston. It is like my mind is all over the place. Constantly moving and thinking from thought to thought. This is not like me and I am almost do not know what to make off it. I feel like pre-Boston I was always so calm and present even in the tough times. Lately I find my mind going off in different directions lacking focus and very easy to emotional send me off kilter whereas before not much through me off. Maybe the choas of days sent my mind reeling? Maybe I haven't emotional dealt with Boston? There is apart of me missing. It is like that day didn't happen in my memory but there is apart of me that is screaming yes it did. Post Boston I feel like in order to cope and make sense I went into survival mode constantly scanning my surrounding and thinking. And also trying to get my health back in order. Everyone seems to have differing information on the thyroid health. Going to several drs and trying to figure out the right course for me has left me a bit unsettled and not sure what direction to take.
I have good days where I feel like I am present and focused and than days that I have trouble just staying in the now and trusting that everything is unfolding perfectly. I know I need to take time to nurture that part of me back. To learn to be quiet again. Start the trusting life process again. Get this mind to stop overthinking and just relax into the flow of life.
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