Sometimes you just want to be sad but know you can't afford to dwell in this place long as it can hold you back more than move you forward.
I didn't reach my goal yesterday but at the same time know that for some reason I needed to be there to go through it, feel it, experience it, and use it to move forward.
In all honestly, I am not sure mentally I was ready to make this huge leap. It reminded of a tempo run I had in July which I bombed more out of not mentally not being ready to make that leap. My mind had not bought into the idea that I could do it so even though I attempted it, the workout was not ideal and I missed the mark. Even though Jeff knew that physically I could do, I hadn't made that connection yet. Which I think happened a little bit yesterday. I wasn't ready mentally to tackle it even though physically I have what it takes. I really had doubts and nothing I could think of would fully counter these doubts. One of the unknowns was my allergies & asthma, I didn't know how they would play out. I didn't want to them to be a factor so I tried like heck to ignore my wheezing through easy run this week and thought that just maybe if all my stars would be aligned then they won't be a factor. If it was meant to be, it would be like one of those magically days where anything is possible. I have days in the early Fall, that my chest would work for whatever reason, so I was hoping for one of these days. I hit mile 1 @ 6;57 pace and felt fine, good energy, happy and than somewhere in mile 2 there was a huge hill and my chest just seized. I tried not to panick and thought relax, relax, relax, just get up the hill and you can recover these lost seconds on the downhill and you can getting your breathing undercontrol. Alas that was not my fate, I struggled for breathe the remaining miles. For those that have asthma, you know that once your chest decides it it stressed than it really hard to get oxygen. I just had to keep my chin up, not give up and finish it out the best I could.
The effort has made me a bit lost and searching for answers but than again the only thing I should be focused on is moving forward and concentrating my training efforts on Detroit Half Marathon. I have 5 weeks to get my confidence in check and need just to keep working. As sad as I am that I am not racing well, I know that God is delaying my breakthrough and not denying me a breakthrough. It will happen when it is meant to happen. All good things take time.
Here is how my week went -
Monday (AM) 6 easy (PM) 4 easy
Tuesday 2 W/U 10X 800, 2 C/D
Wednesday 7 Recovery +Core
Thurday 12 easy
Friday 9 easy, 4X20 Strides, 2 easy
Saturday 2 w/u, 10K, 3 c/d
Sunday 13 easy
Total Mileage - 73