Road Trip

So I was thinking this analogy this morning. Say you decide to go on a road trip cross country from California to New York. You get to Colorado having a great time but you start having car troubles. Than are delayed in Colorado trying to get parts and this an that. When people ask you "where are going?".  You still say you are on a road trip to New York right? The delay does not alter your intended destination right? You don't decide to head back to Cali because of the delay or obstacle. You get the parts fixed and keep heading toward your destination.

That is all for now...

You Gotta Get Back Up!

Theme and deep thought of my day! While visiting my ART guy for some maintenance work, I said to him I will rise again :-) And he jokingly said that sounds like you are the fallen one. My response was that I have felt like the fallen one.

I am regaining perspective and renewing my spirit with the love and support all my family and friends. Really what would I do without the love of you all that to listen to me sob, listen to my hurt, give me a compassionate loving hug, or encouraging and knowing words that I will come out on the other end of this. For everyone that has taken the time to send notes/phone calls sharing your stories, your support and love - THANK YOU!!! Thank you for listening & caring enough to help me through this bump in the road.

I have not really return to running yet. Yes I have run a couple of shorter runs where I struggled with paces that should be easy or recovery. My heart races and I generally feel like someone kicked me and than ran me over with a truck. Not really the pleasant feeling that running usually provides me.

It has been decided that I am going to take a extend break from training. Yes, I hope to run a couple miles here and there just to maintain sanity but through rest, nutritional and hormone adjustments, I hope to come back stronger.

Something that touched my heart to share - Always get back up!

Thought for the Day

Happy Sad

Happy Sad is a real emotion right? That is how I am feeling today! Both immensely happy to living the life that I set out to live but also still healing from some disappointment. 

I woke up to the sound of my sweet daughters singing voice. Singing this song that we love "Believe it". It was so beautiful to hear in the quiet of the house but this sweet voice humming the lyrics to this song. My heart literally ached as I listened and pour my coffee. I just stood there enjoying the moment with my coffee in hand. Ah Happiness! I went back into my room and asked my husband if he could hear her singing. And we shared of moment of peace and pride in how our daughter could fill a morning with so much joy and love.

Sometimes when we are feeling so vulnerable while healing a broken heart we actually can have the most heightened emotional senses. We feel things so much deeper both the happy and the sad have great depth and meaning. If I wasn't feeling so vulnerable I may never enjoyed that moment for beauty that it held.

The instinct to hide from hurt is very human or American :-). We may hide by having a drink to num the pain or try to forgot it by occupying our mind with other activities  The pain is there and I think allowing ourselves to feel it will actually allow for ourselves to feel the opposite emotion in a greater capacity & with more appreciation.

So for the day I will allow myself to feel both Happy Sad! 

Teeter-Tautering

Funny at the beginning of the week, I was handling the MB thing so well. I was proud of myself! No mental anguish or breakdowns!! I am a changed girl!  I had put on my big girl pants, kept the chin up and re-told myself the story of how everything was happening just as it should. I told everyone that asked that I know it was for the best and all is well. Everything happens for a reason.

Than my mid-week when I knew I needed to get down to business and really get this thyroid thing taken care of the emotions were starting to well-up inside of me. I had held back the floodgates and smiled to everyone but by Thursday I was tired and overwhelmed. I went for a walk in the woods to try to sort myself out as I couldn't run yet. I got about 10 minutes into the woods and every emotion that I fought to hold back or tell myself was not there were literally being ripped out of my chest. I can not believe how quickly it all came out. I was walking and crying trying to figure why I was have this mega-meltdown in the woods. About 25 minutes in, I sat down at a stream where my tears just kept rolling. I feel like the tears were just being pulled out of me like the universe saying release that shit you are trying to hide in there as strength. It is not strong to act like nothing is wrong. It is not strong to hide what you are feeling. It is strong to deal with it, acknowledge it, and forgive yourself - that is strong. So I cried my heart out and little by little I am releasing the fears that were threatening to swallow me. I release them so I could replace the fear with hope and renewal.

What I realized was that by not acknowledging that had felt pain and real disappoint, I blocked my own ability to regain my hope and renew  my spirit with those of how I am going to overcome and rebuild. I also blocked my family and friends ability to support and love me through this time. In my effort to be strong, I was blocking my greatest source of strength - Love! The love of those people that are my world. Love is the greatest healing and renewer! By finally allowing myself to feel the pain and be vulnerable, I also let in so much healing and love.

Is Life Challenging You?

When circumstances that appear in our life that may go against what we want or believe is for the best,   

we need understand even though whatever is uncomfortable or challenging to our minds and body it is the circumstance that allows us to transform, to grow, to become a better version ourselves. It is our challenges that change us! It is the moment that we decide in the face of the circumstances and say defiantly "I will overcome this" that is when we move past the challenge into all that we are meant to be.

I know that in order to achieve my life goals I need to transform constantly, I need to learn the lessons that life is trying to teach me. 

One of the big lessons that is a constant for me is Fall Down, Get Back Up, Stronger, More Resilient, More Determined, and MORE POWERFUL! 

I have learned that you can not be afraid of falling down. You can not be afraid of an outcome that is not of your design. You have to embrace whatever comes your way and know it is for the best! 

S'up Thyroid

Thinking about writing in my blog today so many topics and thoughts on what I should write about came to mind. So many things have become clearer to me and my faith has been renewed and strengthened.

First the amaziness about my run on Saturday! Only days later can I look back in awe of the day. While there is nothing amazing about the actual splits, I feel something truly divine must have happen to me on Saturday. If you read the post below you know that on this day running my normal easy 8-8:30 pace was a tremendous hard effort for whatever reason most likely to do with the synthyroid or/and thyroid malfunctioning.

I pulled my Garmin out today for the first to take a look at the mile spilts.

Remember my goal was to run easy for the first half and hope to run the second a bit stronger & faster.

Mile 1 - 8:24
Mile 2 - 8:17
Mile 3 - 8:28
Mile 4 - 8:27
Mile 5 - 8:39
Mile 6 - 8:26
Mile 7 - 8:21
Mile 8 - 8:38
Mile 9 - 8:39
Mile 10 - 8:44 - you can see here that this is where I started to struggle
Mile 11 - 8:57
Mile 12 - 9:31
Mile 13 - 9:50
Mile 14 - 9:32
Mile 15 - 9;15
Mile 16 - 10:14 - Wheels falling off - my body was shutting down BIG time
Mile 17 - 10:46
Mile 18 - 9:01 + Seen Nick and kids tried on more time but it hurt and it was hard to move my body forward
Mile 19 - 9:35

What I think is so great is that I think I lost conscious thought somewhere between mile 14 & 17 and that I am amazed at how I was even able to move forward towards my family with all my systems shutting down.

Running & Thyroid 101

Basically what happens with the thyroid is that it produces 2 important hormones T3 and T4. Running requires the T3 to be available for use. If some reason my body does not have sufficient T3 into can not convert fats & carbohydrates into ATP. ATP is our bodies ready-to-use energy system. It is T3 that turns on the ATP-making machinery inside each living cell.

"Problems may arise when outside factors act upon the thyroid metabolism cycle which can lead to disruptions in TSH levels, decreased production of T4, incomplete conversion of T4 to T3 or imbalance in the ratio of T3 to reverse T3. High levels of cortisol caused by stress, for example, can suppress the production of TSH, leading to symptoms of hypothyroidism due to low hormone production. The thyroid gland could also appear to be functioning normally if TSH is the only blood level tested and it is being artificially suppressed by high cortisol levels"

Anything from being sick the week before, not recovering sufficiently from faster running the week before, allergies could disruption my body's ability to convert and use T3.

From whatever reason the thyroid was not function properly, I choose to see it as a miracle that I was even able to get to my family given my body's inability to convert T3 to energy.  I think that a power outside of my body & mind carried me to them. The splits show the deep lose of energy and show that all my body was trying to shut down.

Every process that goes on inside our bodies requires energy - specifically metabolic energy. When the body doesn’t have enough energy to function properly, each component of the body will malfunction in its own unique way.

I truly believe my spirit was trying to carry me even when my body was trying to shut down.

One of the biggest reason why I know my body shut down completely somewhere in those miles 14-17 was from the deep muscle fatigue & soreness I experienced post-race. I woke up on Sunday feeling like I had been hit by a bus. Muscles ached that I have had ached before, I was limping, tight and awkward - this signals that I had pushed beyond what my body was able to do physically on this day. Even 3 days later, my body hurts more than I would running a marathon at all out effort. Mind you, I ran a 22 miler much faster just weeks before so a run at these paces should nowhere come close to doing this much damage.

I believe that my spirit carried me to my family and to safety on this day :-) Blessings!

DNF

14 marathons and my first DNF - Never did I think this AM when I left for the race that this was an outcome that was even on my radar of possibilities. We had a wonderful trip down to MB yesterday. Probably one of least amount of stress ever before race day. Sitting on the beach and than pool-side and a nice nap in the afternoon and than a very easy stress-free fall asleep the night before. I woke up at 4AM perky and ready to go. While driving to the race start with hubby and kids, my kids were excitingly talking about seeing me on the course and than told me their favorite part was seeing me cross the finish line and get my medal. I kissed their sweet faces good-bye than excitedly and happily walked to the race start. Everything had gone perfectly! Everything from eating well, sleep welling, low stress, no nerves and very optimistic and logistics were perfect which helped the feel good vibes. I saw a few Charlotte people at the start and wished them well.

Didn't feel super in the first couple of miles but my optimistic attitude held up thinking I would feel better as the miles pasted. When a fellow Charlotte runner came up to me around mile 6 and started chatting with me, I was couldn't hold a conservation and felt like I was running a 5K pace. Still my attitude was that I was going to feel better as the miles pasted. Than by mile 10, I felt horrible and there is no way to describe the feeling. Running these 10 miles in the 8:20-8:30s felt like I had run 10 @ 5K pace or faster. I really felt bad and started playing with the idea of going in the half but my family would be between mile 17-18 so I threw out the idea that I would be running the second half faster and just worked to maintain pace even though I feel horrible. By mile 15, I was starting to lose steam even though I had keep fluids and GUs coming in at the proper intervals. Mentally, I was at all a loss as I had started feeling good running in the past couple weeks as my body was adjusting to the synthyroid but maybe I had not given my body enough time to handle the marathon distance. By 16, my hands were feeling funny and noticed that they had swollen up BIG and my pace continued to drop. I started to know it was not going to be my day. I needed to shut it down as I didn't want to risk reinjurying my hip as after a 3 week rehab it was finally feeling good but it was also iffy at the same time  I knew I would risk it if a good time was on the line. I was not willing to gut out a bad day and put myself back in another 3 week rehab cycle. Coming up on my family after mile marker 17, I had to tell them and it broke my heart to tell my kids as their little faces were looking up at me happily. I stopped to hug them and tell Nick about how I felt. I than sat on the curb and hugged my kids while they sweetly encouraged me. I had to tell them that mommy was not going finish today. They immediately offered to run it in with me. It was the most heartwarming moment. I told them we had to save it for Boston and that if I did not make a smart decision today I risked Boston. They wholeheartedly agreed that I shouldn't go on but Nick knew I would have a hard time taking a DNF. I knew it was going to be tough to think about not finishing so we thought I would try to get to mile 20 and I would see how I felt. My spirits were up and I wanted more than anything to finish strong so I took at gel and went after it one more time. I felt good for about .50 mile and than was really struggling so I turned back finishing just over 19 miles.

I knew I would do no good for myself physically, mentally or emotionally trying to finish this one.

I know it was the smartest long term decision for me to make. While in the short-term it did hurt a bit to make this decision.

Walking back to our hotel, I told Nick and the kids that hardest thing for me about not finishing was not crossing the finish line to get my medal for them to see. That really hurt my heart.

Do you know that my sweeties went to the hotel kids club while I was resting and made me a gold medal out of arts-n-crafts. I cried when they placed over my head. My heart is so full of love. It is the best medal I have ever received. I will hold in my heart forever.

I have 8 weeks to Boston to figure out how I can run on these meds or what is the best approach to take with my thyroid condition. I praying for an answer and I know that God is at work even though he said "Not" yet. I will remain in faith that one day this will all make sense.

Show up

6 miles in for the day and that is the last real run before Myrtle Beach!

There is this tiny bit a tightness somewhere in the hip that needs to be cleared up so my stride feels smooth but I confident that my ART guy will be able remove the last bit of restriction tomorrow and my stride will feel amazing.


Ah, not much to say other than I am keeping the faith that whatever form Saturday's run takes it will be exactly the experience that it needs to be to get me to my long-term goals.

Yes, do I hope that I feel great beyond expectations! I think everyone hopes for the magical day when you can run with ease.

I am prepared mentally for both a day where I feel amazing and that if my dots connect I will be able to run like the wind. I am also prepared to enjoy it completely as an easy training run if the run like the wind isn't in the cards. Either way I will show up and be the best me possible.

FUN.

Anyone that watched the Grammy's last night would have seen some amazing performances! I was  especially moved by the group Fun.. Their performance as well as when they won their first award of the night. Watching their faces as they were announced as Grammy winners was such a joy to watch a dream realized on their faces. What struck me deeply was their acceptance speech where they said this took them 12 years and thanked everyone who had supported them for 12 years! They are a brilliant band with some much passion.

Many people without knowing would have thought that this awesome band arriving on the music scene with 3 hits in a roll were an overnight success. They weren't - they fought for their dream for 12 years!!!

Seeing the beauty in a dream that people fought for it is so beautiful!!

Keep fightin! And Carry on!!!

Week in Review

This week was much improved over the week before but still trying to get to the start line of Myrtle Beach Marathon 100% healthy. Cold has pretty much cleared away and the hip is almost back to normal. I have a couple therapy appts this week hoping that will do the trick for Saturday. 

This week was suppose to a bit over 60 miles but I had to cut my run on Tuesday short due to both cold & hip. And I took Saturday off hoping to speed the healing of the hip.

Monday 13 - 6 easy & 6 @ 7:47-6:53, 1 C/D
Tuesday 3 easy + Yoga Class
Wednesday 10 with 8 MP &7:41-7:19
Thursday 6 easy
Friday 10 easy
Saturday OFF
Sunday 10 easy

Total Miles = 52 miles

Looking ahead requires some looking back

Today as I have my morning coffee and walking around the house with no cough and no hip pain, I feel a quiet excitement starting to build in me. With Myrtle Beach Marathon next week and Boston just 8 weeks after that, I can't help be so happy and thankful that I am still standing after the storm that blew through in the fall.

I can not be certain of where my fitness is at the current moment but I just know there is some awesome fitness lying within. I believe in all the work I have done in the last 6-8 months. I believe in the effort I gave even when the paces times did not reflect the effort. I think  back to some really amazing workouts when my TSH level allowed for some of the hard work to shine through. In June when I ran the last 3 miles of a long run faster than any 5K I had ever ran, in July when I ran 6 mile repeats from 6:45 pace to 6:09 pace, in August when I ran a 8 mile tempo averaging 7:05, in September with 10X800 @ 6:20-6:30 pace, in November 20 miler averaging 8:20, In December a marathon with little training & TSH at 5.4 @ 3:37, in Janruray a 2x3 mile workout @7:03 average & 6:53 average  & 20 miler with last 6 averaging 7:23.

Taking stock of all my breakthroughs over the past year gives me the excitement that the fitness is there and nothing has been lost through the ups and downs of these past training months. I have worked my tail off really starting in March of last year when I started working towards a Fall marathon. My mileage started climbing in the 60/70 range and just when we thought I would start showing some signs of this hardwork in June, nothing really shined through in races and that in my opinion is when the thyroid must have started having problems but would silently wait to the fall to finally make a full scale appearance dashing my hopes for this fantastic fall.

With the Fall behind me, lots of miles in the bank, TSH stabilized and a stronger mind, I look towards the spring with a since of anticipatory excitement and tranquil peace. I am believing that all my dots are going to connect this spring & summer. I am believing that God is going to use my setbacks as set ups for far better things than I could imagined for the Fall. I am praying that God continues to work in my life for the highest good and that my eyes and heart remain open to the gifts that God is providing along the way on my blessed journey.

Shine on & Be Awesome~

S'up Girl Midweek

So my cold has eased up and I am finally no longer with the hacking cough that has been driving my poor husband batty! I slept last night without waking up to have a coughing fit!! Woo Hoo! Big win! My hip is improving every day! It is not 100% and I am dancing on a fine line right now but I am confident that all is going to work out as it should so there is no worrying going on here. I have run every day this week not as much mileage as originally planned but a couple decent workouts which is cool to have return to running workouts without irregular heart rate issues from thyroid meds. I feel really good overall like the Jamie before the thyroid went to crazytown.

On Monday, I threw down a 13 miler with last the 6 at MP and yesterday I ran a 10 miles with 8 miles@ MP pace tempo effort both without issue. Hip gets a little tight but it is holding up.

Goal is to get back up to some decent miles this week and than ease off a bit next week and take a rest day to get hip more happy and than run Myrtle Beach Marathon as a training effort. I had hoped when I planned for MB marathon I might be able to lay it out there but without a really good indicator of my fitness and what my heart will do given that strain we are going in with this for fun!

Surrounding Yourself with People that will lift you Higher

Not chasing a PR

I am not chasing PRs! I am chasing potential which I realize takes a lot more work and comes with a whole different set of circumstances.

But when you say to the world and God I am not stopping at good-  I am going to great! I am going after that dream that was put in my heart! God says oh okay in that case you are going to have to go through some things to make you stronger.

you will be tested,
you will need to grow emotionally & mentally,
you will need to risk,
you will need to work harder than you ever have before,
you will have to be patience,
you will have to wait longer (as my sister calls it long suffering),
you will have to fight fear & doubt,
you will have to love deeper,
you will have to contribute,
you will have to being will to hurt and renew hope with every hurt,
you will have to learn to surrender your will to the will of God
you will have to NEVER GIVE UP!

For me this journey is not about the next marathon race time but it is a journey to become everything God put in my heart to do! No turning back when it gets tough or when things appear on my journey that are difficult. Those things are part of my assignment! Overcoming is part of my assignment.

I have an end goal that I know is divine in nature and know that every single circumstance is preparing me for that the next step in the journey and the outcome that is already my predetermined. My assignment is to learn from the obstacles and overcome them.

For those that are certain of the outcome, can wait without anxiety! That is me living, learning, loving my way to the what God intended for my life.   .

Staying in Faith - No week in Review

What's harder than running a 85 mile week? Not running a 85 week :-) Yep, truly not running has been a challenge mentally for me. I almost do not know what to do with myself.

 To stay in faith that all is working for the good when circumstances start to alter your course. Staying in faith and believing all is going to come together is way harder than working hard physically every day.

There will be no week in review as this was not a week in highlights but working to overcome a hip issue and a cold that I thought I was going to kick pretty quickly that actually ended up kicking me pretty hard. Lets just say I ran enough this week to maintain fitness without doing more damage to hip and pushing the cold overboard.

Big win of the week though is that I am not walking and running withoy an alternated gait My hope is that the reduced miles and a little more TLC will allow me to run some more next week. At least I will be rested for Myrtle Beach!! And maybe that is just want I needed more than more running so God put things in my path to force the issue of rest :-)

Passing the Test

This week has been "the test". I say that in a good way and feeling very confident that I passed the test.  I truly believe that God is constantly testing us not to stop us but to get us get stronger for the roads we travel down. Not stronger physically but mentally and emotionally. We get stronger by letting FAITH be louder than fear, we get stronger by keeping the belief in ourselves and our dreams when circumstances appear to the contrary, and we get stronger by silencing doubt. We get really good at shadow boxing the other half.   

I came into this week feel confident and very pleased that I had run 5 weeks of mileage which average 72 mpw. I woke up Monday AM feeling superb and really excited for the week ahead. I did core & hip strengthening that afternoon after a easy run which in retrospect not the smartest thing to do. I overly fatigued my hips muscles on muscles that were pretty trashed from a week of high miles. Long story short, when I went to run on Tuesday somewhere between mile 2 & 3 mile hips were feeling weird. And at exactly at mile 3.5, my left side hip was starting to lock up and within a half mile I noticed my stride was changing. I stopped to walk it out and stretch but nothing would help. I ran/walked back to my car which was about a mile away. I spent loads of time trying stretch it but it was locked down. I was lucky that I just so happen to make an appt with my ART therapist for the next day so I wasn't too concerned. Next day ART therapist tried to get all the junk out but need me to take day off and come back the next day to work the area some more. Meanwhile, I was developing a bit a cold so the extra rest was welcomed in my book. I was at peace with the decision to rest. Thursday came and hip still not feel great so more work was done in the area and another rest day. By Friday morning, I was jsut praying I was making the right decisions, I had an appt with my PT that worked the again and got my hips aligned and gave me the good ahead to run so I ran 35 minutes on the AlterG without a hitch in my stride. Woo Hoo! I think my patience and calm manner about this hip thing paid off. Post run, my hip was feeling the best it had felt all week and I was really happy that I stayed in faith and peace all week. Not letting this hip thing or minor cold or the doubt in at all! I was mentally the toughest I have been and did not let this distract me or lose my confidence. I keep reminding myself that things that appear in our life are always there to make us better even the stuff that appears negative. So while a hip issue and cold were not part of my plan at the beginning of the week, I think they worked to my advantage giving me some extra rest the my body and mind probably needed more than I registered. God is always working for the best outcome and his plan is far better than my plan. Accept what it is and know that all is working for the good.