DNF

14 marathons and my first DNF - Never did I think this AM when I left for the race that this was an outcome that was even on my radar of possibilities. We had a wonderful trip down to MB yesterday. Probably one of least amount of stress ever before race day. Sitting on the beach and than pool-side and a nice nap in the afternoon and than a very easy stress-free fall asleep the night before. I woke up at 4AM perky and ready to go. While driving to the race start with hubby and kids, my kids were excitingly talking about seeing me on the course and than told me their favorite part was seeing me cross the finish line and get my medal. I kissed their sweet faces good-bye than excitedly and happily walked to the race start. Everything had gone perfectly! Everything from eating well, sleep welling, low stress, no nerves and very optimistic and logistics were perfect which helped the feel good vibes. I saw a few Charlotte people at the start and wished them well.

Didn't feel super in the first couple of miles but my optimistic attitude held up thinking I would feel better as the miles pasted. When a fellow Charlotte runner came up to me around mile 6 and started chatting with me, I was couldn't hold a conservation and felt like I was running a 5K pace. Still my attitude was that I was going to feel better as the miles pasted. Than by mile 10, I felt horrible and there is no way to describe the feeling. Running these 10 miles in the 8:20-8:30s felt like I had run 10 @ 5K pace or faster. I really felt bad and started playing with the idea of going in the half but my family would be between mile 17-18 so I threw out the idea that I would be running the second half faster and just worked to maintain pace even though I feel horrible. By mile 15, I was starting to lose steam even though I had keep fluids and GUs coming in at the proper intervals. Mentally, I was at all a loss as I had started feeling good running in the past couple weeks as my body was adjusting to the synthyroid but maybe I had not given my body enough time to handle the marathon distance. By 16, my hands were feeling funny and noticed that they had swollen up BIG and my pace continued to drop. I started to know it was not going to be my day. I needed to shut it down as I didn't want to risk reinjurying my hip as after a 3 week rehab it was finally feeling good but it was also iffy at the same time  I knew I would risk it if a good time was on the line. I was not willing to gut out a bad day and put myself back in another 3 week rehab cycle. Coming up on my family after mile marker 17, I had to tell them and it broke my heart to tell my kids as their little faces were looking up at me happily. I stopped to hug them and tell Nick about how I felt. I than sat on the curb and hugged my kids while they sweetly encouraged me. I had to tell them that mommy was not going finish today. They immediately offered to run it in with me. It was the most heartwarming moment. I told them we had to save it for Boston and that if I did not make a smart decision today I risked Boston. They wholeheartedly agreed that I shouldn't go on but Nick knew I would have a hard time taking a DNF. I knew it was going to be tough to think about not finishing so we thought I would try to get to mile 20 and I would see how I felt. My spirits were up and I wanted more than anything to finish strong so I took at gel and went after it one more time. I felt good for about .50 mile and than was really struggling so I turned back finishing just over 19 miles.

I knew I would do no good for myself physically, mentally or emotionally trying to finish this one.

I know it was the smartest long term decision for me to make. While in the short-term it did hurt a bit to make this decision.

Walking back to our hotel, I told Nick and the kids that hardest thing for me about not finishing was not crossing the finish line to get my medal for them to see. That really hurt my heart.

Do you know that my sweeties went to the hotel kids club while I was resting and made me a gold medal out of arts-n-crafts. I cried when they placed over my head. My heart is so full of love. It is the best medal I have ever received. I will hold in my heart forever.

I have 8 weeks to Boston to figure out how I can run on these meds or what is the best approach to take with my thyroid condition. I praying for an answer and I know that God is at work even though he said "Not" yet. I will remain in faith that one day this will all make sense.