I decided I need to write to calm my nerves and mind this AM. So this is more for me to get my thoughts outs but I am happy to share the emotions running through my head as I am sure many of you felt similar or will feel similar emotions as you prepare for your big race or big day in life.
They say success in the preparation. Well sir, I am prepared, this is no doubt that I am fit which I was reminded of just in the past few days from my coach. The taper has me doubting me fitness a bit..you run hard for like 5 months and than are suppose chill the f*** for a few days which totally plays with your mind. Like freaking crazy..so Jeff kindly remind me of my hard works in the past months and his words "crushed them" and I have nailed everyone workout in my build up with the exception of 1 when I had an asthma attack in late summer. My build-up has been near flawless - god has truly protected my path. I have to remember these things today out on the course. Trust Jeff, Trust in God and trust in my Stuff! They say trust the taper. So hard when the taper is a exercise in faith.
So my body is trained and I am preparing this AM by being up a full 3 hours before the race. I have never done that. Eating and drinking my coffee in a relaxed manner not shoveling stuff down looking at the clock for the time I have to skit-skaddle. I plenty of time to relax and reflect this AM. Why did I never try this early up thing? It is very pleasant experience.
I know I write a lot about my husband - St Nick - for he is truly a saint. You see traveling with young kids can leave the most patient person in the world ready to slam a bottle of vodka. hehehe
It was so trying to fly and get settle in Houston. My husabnd did his best to sheild me for the mos tof it.
This just makes me so grateful that his belief in me is so strong that he would subject himself to rigors of 2 young kids for days in an effort to ease my path. Love you so Nick!! He is truly a gift to me from God. Many of you that truly know me and know my life struggles than you know that Ihave overcome so much to be a strong, happy, successful, and loving person. I have always wondered why my path has been so difficult but I always think God gave me Nick to ease my pain of my early life and balance me in my adult life. Many people will tell me how lucky I am to have Nick - I don't feel like it was luck at all but a blessing.
The evening we arrived in Houston was tough. Our hotel room is right outside a busy lobby, so you can hear a lot in this room, our kids were restless but very tired. We tried getting them to sleep around 8ish. It was a tough effort which had me in tears in the bathroom out of pure exhaustion and emotionally depletion. I felt like all this hard work and it is blowing up in my face cause I can't get my kids asleep and was so so so tired. When I came out of the bathroom trying to compose myself, my children rushed to my side. Telling me they loved & believed in me. Ah! My heart broke again at the depth of their caring. Joey is who is so wise beyond her years firimg told me MOM I believe you are going to be in the top 100 women and I cry a bit and looked me in the eyes and said Mommy never give up. Christian told me he was proud of me no matter what and Joey told him Mom is going to do it. Her beleif in me release me to relax and get them to sleep.
So Nick and seized the time to try to go to sleep. I think I may have faded off around 11 because of the noise from the halls it was a hard effort, ah than my Jey wakes me at 1AM to go the bathroom, she is unable to go back to sleep until well pass 2AM, I lay there in frustrated trying everything to relax her, I handed her off to Nick at 2AM and he gets her back to sleep - ah back to sleep to for me and than Christian wakes at 3ish..I start crying cause I am so tired and overwhelmed. I so needed to sleep bu that was not the plan for the night so I worked so hard to calm myself and get Christian back to sleep. I was laying there with him thinking motherhood and marathons do not mix. haha..Anyway it was so close to waking and I had to get myself centered so I got up an did some yoga to relax myself and got dressed and went to the lobby for coffee @ 6AM. It was already a buzz with people so I enjoyed breakfast alone and called Nick to bring the kids down for breakfast before we left to see the race. Anyway it was a trying night that tested me emotionally beyond belief. Anyway tough night but just obtacles that are tests to see if I really want this.
I do! I want this!! If I can stay relaxed and focused on the plan. And God keeps my body and tummy strong than I can do this thing.
"We face our breaking point in an effort to find the powerful voice that emerges
with new sense of determination. We overcome our darkness and recreate our bodies, and mind. We send a new message to the body and our DNA knows now that more is possible"
This has got me through the whole my training and I pray this mantra gets me through today.
I must start getting dressed as I have to leave in about 45 minutes.
May you have a blessed day I pray that I am blessed today so that I can realize my full potential.
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