Being at the beach today with my family today gave some time to reflect on why I felt disappoint & frustration when I should have been feeling proud and grateful. I finally made a break through mentally, while watching Christian running free on the beach and chasing pigeons. He was having an amazing time. Ah! Joy!! He was experiencing joy!!! OMG!! That is what I was missing yesterday in Kiawah. The pure joy of running and chasing my goals. I had got all mixed up when I got on the course and forgot to bring my joy with me.
I knew I was missing something and placing blame on the back luck of deal with life's obstacles. I just lined up with no joy in my heart. Than proceed to tear apart a PR. UGH! I think as runners we sometimes loss perspective a bit. I know I am so guilty of this and feel like I acted like a spoil kid that didn't get what he/she wanted as a present and had the nerve to throw that present back to the sender because it wasn't exactly what I wanted. UGH! How could I do that? Impatience got the best of me yesterday. I would have been so joyous at a minute PR last year when I was stagnating and could not manage 30 second PR.
I need to be proud of the fact that I have PRed in my last 4 races. That I was not tapered for this event and was running on fatigued mind & legs. Something I would tell a friend about PRing during marathon training is hard, you are running on fatigued legs, you are training for a marathon so your training is specific to the marathon and while you might be able to carry some fitness over from the marathon training, marathon training is so specific that you aren't going blow another event out of the water and if you do, than maybe your marathon training isn't specific enough and I would worry that you aren't fit enough for the marathon. Make any sense? Why can't I take my own cousel and listen to my own sense. My coach has urged me in the same direction & I am not sure why I was so frustrated but I need to let the experience good & bad make me a better person & runner.
I have to continue to do the work, find joy in the process, have faith & gratitude, and trust God to handle the details. The big PR will come. God's delay is not God's denial...